The Stars

Where would my madness take me tonight
but to this wild, open sky
where, ringing above
in fearful radiance
are the stars!
Watching me like implacable gods...
The stars! Crackling with exultation!

I must paint them to relieve the waves
breaking in wide pools above me.
She doesn't love me.
Jesus doesn't love me.
even the whores don't like me.
and I am alone with my pounding, whirling stars.

I gasp up at them as they mock me
in purity,
I, so defiled, so filthy, adorned with dirt
I'm a failure and no one knows me...
Still, I must paint! I must... I must!

I-I can't even hold a brush, it's too soft
too far from my hand, it won’t do.
I need to push it out from the tube
and stroke the canvas with my misery
push the color of my pain out,
wringing it out, I must, I must!
Oh, the stars are breaking my heart!

I must let them out
swirl their accusing innocence, I must show
how they taunt me with their waves
how they call me to go with them
to stand before God.
Oh, Theo, let me burn pure like they do!
Please, Please! I'm ready...
My eyes are aflame with the stars!